Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
