Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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