i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize