Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
