Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
FUCK WHALES
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
