can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
