before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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