A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
