i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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