no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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