ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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