I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
