Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have feelings that need drinking.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize