i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
