He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
