Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
