Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
