I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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