was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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