That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
