woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
