you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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