whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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