the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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