I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
