I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
