I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I did not marry a roomba.
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