Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
