I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
