I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
