it's not cheating when I paid for it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
