Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
