small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize