we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
