I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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