i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
