Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
