soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize