do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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