I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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