he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
