So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish I only lived at night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
