Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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