stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
