Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
