Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
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