why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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