At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
