Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
