Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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