considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
