Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize