Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My vagina just clenched in fear
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
