Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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