just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
How's work?
Spinning.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
