Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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