i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
