never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize