why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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