The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
