A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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