After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
