he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
