I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
