My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
