tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There r osticjed everywhere
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
