I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
