Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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