Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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