We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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