Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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