I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
