He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
