I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
