I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Vodka?
Forever.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
