I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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