Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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