somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize