Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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