remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
