Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize