I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
