I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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