My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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