Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So squirting runs in the family.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
