New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
