Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
