Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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