I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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