friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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