Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
