First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
