Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
