I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
