just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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