you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
