I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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