I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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