I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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