2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
