Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
