how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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