I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
