Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
