I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
