i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
ttyl tear gas
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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