I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize