i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
